"Paper is my canvas, Pen is my brush, Words are my painting"
Poetry
Children of Heaven
My baby, I am so sorry.
The sadness in my heart is like a brick
Tied to a leg of him who wants to live,
But slowly falling down to the deep waters,
Holding on to the memory of his last breath,
While the last bubble rises to the surface.
At least he does not need to bare anymore
This pain that seems eternal,
That cannot be caught and strangled like a venom snake,
Who has poisoned the waters of Purity Lake.
My baby, I am so sorry.
I let the demon come to you,
You cry in despair for mama,
While I am looking at you.
I am here, my love, paralyzed by my weakness,
As my body is drowning in this black goo.
All I have to do is reach out to you,
So you feel safe and loved. For sake, you are only two!
Yet, I am still a coward, I let the demon speak to you
With his disgusting voice, neglect you, while I am here too.
My baby, I am so sorry.
I promised that you will live in Heaven,
Yet I keep on throwing Hell to you.
And you stay where you are, you have no place to run to,
Just like an innocent prisoner hearing the beat of his heart
And holding on to this music waiting to once again wake up in love.
No, I cannot bare this pain no more,
It rots me from the inside.
Like cancer dining on the memories of Freedom in his life
Letting the darkness creep in and swallow his sight.
My baby, I am so sorry.
Mommy is here to stay
I speared to fresh waters and broke the hook of pain.
Yes, the wound is bleeding, but the blood is warm,
As my love for you, therefore, it will not go wrong.
I shattered the mirror head on, it fell from my heart like a stone.
And smashed to tiny pieces the pain and the regret,
With the force of nature it quickly turned to sand.
I keep walking forward with Heaven in my womb.
There you are, my baby, my promise I uphold.
The sadness in my heart is like a brick
Tied to a leg of him who wants to live,
But slowly falling down to the deep waters,
Holding on to the memory of his last breath,
While the last bubble rises to the surface.
At least he does not need to bare anymore
This pain that seems eternal,
That cannot be caught and strangled like a venom snake,
Who has poisoned the waters of Purity Lake.
My baby, I am so sorry.
I let the demon come to you,
You cry in despair for mama,
While I am looking at you.
I am here, my love, paralyzed by my weakness,
As my body is drowning in this black goo.
All I have to do is reach out to you,
So you feel safe and loved. For sake, you are only two!
Yet, I am still a coward, I let the demon speak to you
With his disgusting voice, neglect you, while I am here too.
My baby, I am so sorry.
I promised that you will live in Heaven,
Yet I keep on throwing Hell to you.
And you stay where you are, you have no place to run to,
Just like an innocent prisoner hearing the beat of his heart
And holding on to this music waiting to once again wake up in love.
No, I cannot bare this pain no more,
It rots me from the inside.
Like cancer dining on the memories of Freedom in his life
Letting the darkness creep in and swallow his sight.
My baby, I am so sorry.
Mommy is here to stay
I speared to fresh waters and broke the hook of pain.
Yes, the wound is bleeding, but the blood is warm,
As my love for you, therefore, it will not go wrong.
I shattered the mirror head on, it fell from my heart like a stone.
And smashed to tiny pieces the pain and the regret,
With the force of nature it quickly turned to sand.
I keep walking forward with Heaven in my womb.
There you are, my baby, my promise I uphold.
Important Things in Life
Ah, You've done so well, now you have your Prada bag
Standing on a table in your five star suite,
While you sip coffee and eat perfectly cooked pouched egg.
Life is beautiful in Paradise, in essence a Paradox of Life.
Ah, You've done so well, the school, the work, and the promotions hoax.
You've been a good girl growing up,
Holding an air balloon and making sure it never popped.
So proud to be the granddaughter of world victory.
Every year in school you stand in line, to give a gift to those who fight,
Displaying medals and the wisdom of their silence that came with freedom.
Yes, many can forget, there are no rules in war,
But human is a human, that's what we need to know.
Your grandpa would be proud, you've come so far
Having your Prada bag, and perfectly cooked pouched egg.
And how proud you are, that he paved the way to your liberty estate,
But have you ever asked who was the enemy and what was at stake?
Was it the mothers and the children hiding in basements cut off from breathing?
Was it the running survivors searching for shelter to face head on veteran's hatred?
Was it a human surrender attacked from the back in a splendor?
Have you ever asked why did this baby never had a chance to laugh and dance?
There are no rules in war, but human is a human!
How can you not question the narrative naive woman?
Why aren't you telling, grandpa, how many neutral suffered in war?
How much cruelty took place, simply because of a different race?
Mothers, and grandmothers, and fathers, and children, and babies, and infants
Erased form the Earth in terror as part of the games in veteran's favor.
And only because they were healthy and strong, joyfully living, respecting all souls.
Some could not bare the bright shinning light, and hatred took over these parasites.
So you stand with your medals proud to be the protector of motherland,
While the enemy was always in the back telling you that he is your friend.
Why aren't you telling, grandpa, that there was no one to protect from,
That you were the attacker taking lives of babies and the mothers, destroying homes of other's?
Then you stand in silence, letting them lie to us
Letting a whole world believe that the trains were filled with parasites.
Ballpoint pen was not in Anne Frank's hands,
Yet people from Japan come to see her place.
Ethnic cleansing goes on, and on, and on, as there can only be One.
Destruction in terror, deception and lies, only some question,
While it is in front of everyone's eyes.
You hold an air balloon making sure it never pops.
Ah, you've done so well, now you have your Prada bag
Standing on a table in your five star suite,
While you sip coffee and eat perfectly cooked poached egg.
Life is beautiful in Paradise, in essence a Paradox of Life.
Standing on a table in your five star suite,
While you sip coffee and eat perfectly cooked pouched egg.
Life is beautiful in Paradise, in essence a Paradox of Life.
Ah, You've done so well, the school, the work, and the promotions hoax.
You've been a good girl growing up,
Holding an air balloon and making sure it never popped.
So proud to be the granddaughter of world victory.
Every year in school you stand in line, to give a gift to those who fight,
Displaying medals and the wisdom of their silence that came with freedom.
Yes, many can forget, there are no rules in war,
But human is a human, that's what we need to know.
Your grandpa would be proud, you've come so far
Having your Prada bag, and perfectly cooked pouched egg.
And how proud you are, that he paved the way to your liberty estate,
But have you ever asked who was the enemy and what was at stake?
Was it the mothers and the children hiding in basements cut off from breathing?
Was it the running survivors searching for shelter to face head on veteran's hatred?
Was it a human surrender attacked from the back in a splendor?
Have you ever asked why did this baby never had a chance to laugh and dance?
There are no rules in war, but human is a human!
How can you not question the narrative naive woman?
Why aren't you telling, grandpa, how many neutral suffered in war?
How much cruelty took place, simply because of a different race?
Mothers, and grandmothers, and fathers, and children, and babies, and infants
Erased form the Earth in terror as part of the games in veteran's favor.
And only because they were healthy and strong, joyfully living, respecting all souls.
Some could not bare the bright shinning light, and hatred took over these parasites.
So you stand with your medals proud to be the protector of motherland,
While the enemy was always in the back telling you that he is your friend.
Why aren't you telling, grandpa, that there was no one to protect from,
That you were the attacker taking lives of babies and the mothers, destroying homes of other's?
Then you stand in silence, letting them lie to us
Letting a whole world believe that the trains were filled with parasites.
Ballpoint pen was not in Anne Frank's hands,
Yet people from Japan come to see her place.
Ethnic cleansing goes on, and on, and on, as there can only be One.
Destruction in terror, deception and lies, only some question,
While it is in front of everyone's eyes.
You hold an air balloon making sure it never pops.
Ah, you've done so well, now you have your Prada bag
Standing on a table in your five star suite,
While you sip coffee and eat perfectly cooked poached egg.
Life is beautiful in Paradise, in essence a Paradox of Life.
My Sisters and My Brothers
O my beautiful stars,
I know it's time to sleep
My eyelids feel so heavy,
Yet they give me space to weep.
Together with dim light we sit here in silence,
Realizing what we've learned is completely mindless.
I cry for human kind, my sisters and my brothers,
For those in deepest sleep not hearing the others.
I know it's time to sleep
My eyelids feel so heavy,
Yet they give me space to weep.
Together with dim light we sit here in silence,
Realizing what we've learned is completely mindless.
I cry for human kind, my sisters and my brothers,
For those in deepest sleep not hearing the others.
Pacifica
This is Freedom…
Have I imagined what Freedom feels like? I have…
It cannot be imagined, it can only be felt.
It is submerging yourself into delicious joy of ripe fruits of your Dreaming.
Nowhere to be, no one to see, just me and the Sea.
This is Freedom…
Here and Now I am with You. I know you have been calling me for two days,
I heard the birds, I heard the trees and I heard You.
Thank You for loving me, thank You for sharing this dance with me.
Dear Pacifica, I set myself Free.
This is Freedom…
Have I ever imagined that the sea will become my dance partner to help me set free?
No, I could not have. It is too beautiful.
This beauty will rip matter to pieces if matter denies to be. It took time to see.
Pacifica, I feel Your patience, Your wisdom and Your love for me.
- In memory of my father, 3 years out of body, 1 year liberation and transformation.
Have I imagined what Freedom feels like? I have…
It cannot be imagined, it can only be felt.
It is submerging yourself into delicious joy of ripe fruits of your Dreaming.
Nowhere to be, no one to see, just me and the Sea.
This is Freedom…
Here and Now I am with You. I know you have been calling me for two days,
I heard the birds, I heard the trees and I heard You.
Thank You for loving me, thank You for sharing this dance with me.
Dear Pacifica, I set myself Free.
This is Freedom…
Have I ever imagined that the sea will become my dance partner to help me set free?
No, I could not have. It is too beautiful.
This beauty will rip matter to pieces if matter denies to be. It took time to see.
Pacifica, I feel Your patience, Your wisdom and Your love for me.
- In memory of my father, 3 years out of body, 1 year liberation and transformation.
Angels and Demons
(translated from Russian)
(translated from Russian)
Angels we love, but demons we fear
Black and white our worlds appear.
How much longer can this madness prevail,
Time has come to remove the veil
I take off the glasses
With a sober brush of my imagination
I write a painting with the rainbow of creation
My hands palms up transformed into a bridge for all to pass
For all who are ready to take the paint,
Took off the glasses of naivety,
And angels and demons drink from a spring of sober creativity
In the embrace of arms of pure love, where there is no judgement and none to come
Black and white our worlds appear.
How much longer can this madness prevail,
Time has come to remove the veil
I take off the glasses
With a sober brush of my imagination
I write a painting with the rainbow of creation
My hands palms up transformed into a bridge for all to pass
For all who are ready to take the paint,
Took off the glasses of naivety,
And angels and demons drink from a spring of sober creativity
In the embrace of arms of pure love, where there is no judgement and none to come
Here Now
I am here now
I feel what the world feels,
People, animals, plants, minerals,
The Earth Consciousness,
I feel it all here now
If I am here now
And I feel as a multidimensional being,
Then what is the past,
And what is the future?
Everything is colliding in me,
I am the node of bright light,
It is not easy,
But it has to be.
I made a choice for here now
It is my responsibility.
I feel what the world feels,
People, animals, plants, minerals,
The Earth Consciousness,
I feel it all here now
If I am here now
And I feel as a multidimensional being,
Then what is the past,
And what is the future?
Everything is colliding in me,
I am the node of bright light,
It is not easy,
But it has to be.
I made a choice for here now
It is my responsibility.
My Day
Just a little bit longer, please,
I can barely open my eyes.
My eyelids are rebelling,
Feel like they’ve built the Great Wall again
But the cry won’t stop!
Like a DJ scratching during a Hip-Hop battle,
This cry is scratching my heart,
While my eyelids are battling my mind,
Or maybe they are working together,
Hard to tell in the dark,
While my body is moving me,
Like a lunatic sleep walking at night.
The only difference is that I know I am on a mission,
On a mission to stop the cry that is scratching my heart,
Even with my eyes closed I know where to go,
I know where to find that warm, dry, clean diaper
Finally, back to the soft pillow,
Cuddling my calm baby,
I can go back to sleep again,
One sheep, two sheep, clouds, mmmm
What is this sound,
Clouds where did you go?
I know this music, eyes open wide,
The alarm, that intruder of my soul that broke the Great Wall.
The front door opens up
And the bright light shows up,
With a mesmerizing smile,
And a great morning laugh.
“Mama, I am hungry”
Here baby, drink some water,
Breakfast is on its way,
Tornado is building up inside me
Dishes are dirty, but I must cook,
I can manage, 5th gear is on
Breakfast, lunch, tea, water,
Extra pants, napkin, spoon,
Kisses to one, to two, to three,
My head is spinning, I need coffee.
I can barely open my eyes.
My eyelids are rebelling,
Feel like they’ve built the Great Wall again
But the cry won’t stop!
Like a DJ scratching during a Hip-Hop battle,
This cry is scratching my heart,
While my eyelids are battling my mind,
Or maybe they are working together,
Hard to tell in the dark,
While my body is moving me,
Like a lunatic sleep walking at night.
The only difference is that I know I am on a mission,
On a mission to stop the cry that is scratching my heart,
Even with my eyes closed I know where to go,
I know where to find that warm, dry, clean diaper
Finally, back to the soft pillow,
Cuddling my calm baby,
I can go back to sleep again,
One sheep, two sheep, clouds, mmmm
What is this sound,
Clouds where did you go?
I know this music, eyes open wide,
The alarm, that intruder of my soul that broke the Great Wall.
The front door opens up
And the bright light shows up,
With a mesmerizing smile,
And a great morning laugh.
“Mama, I am hungry”
Here baby, drink some water,
Breakfast is on its way,
Tornado is building up inside me
Dishes are dirty, but I must cook,
I can manage, 5th gear is on
Breakfast, lunch, tea, water,
Extra pants, napkin, spoon,
Kisses to one, to two, to three,
My head is spinning, I need coffee.
My Dear Nettleje
(translated from russian)
(translated from russian)
There she is the earth lioness,
Holding her space under the soil
With strong plant claws
Choses everything she needs for her dear self
If she does not accept, she won’t allow
To access her secrets of being
But if she recognizes a family soul,
She will give her self fully for the well-being of the warrior’s home
Here comes the warrior,
After a long battle within
Looks at the light in the distance,
And pulls it to him
Nettleje opened up,
As she recognized the warrior.
She offered her seeds to him
To fully recover him
After eating the fruits of earth lioness,
The warrior came home to silence,
He grounded in our heaven on earth.
Finally he can relax
And be himself
That’s when exchange of smiles
Happened between the two friends
Under a bright shawl of love
Snuggled two friends in warmth,
And Nettleje full of life force and light gives herself again to enhance the cause
Goosebumps on the skin, blood is rushing
Through the majestic body of the warrior
Cheeks are red, strength came back,
That is how a sting from love is meant
Holding her space under the soil
With strong plant claws
Choses everything she needs for her dear self
If she does not accept, she won’t allow
To access her secrets of being
But if she recognizes a family soul,
She will give her self fully for the well-being of the warrior’s home
Here comes the warrior,
After a long battle within
Looks at the light in the distance,
And pulls it to him
Nettleje opened up,
As she recognized the warrior.
She offered her seeds to him
To fully recover him
After eating the fruits of earth lioness,
The warrior came home to silence,
He grounded in our heaven on earth.
Finally he can relax
And be himself
That’s when exchange of smiles
Happened between the two friends
Under a bright shawl of love
Snuggled two friends in warmth,
And Nettleje full of life force and light gives herself again to enhance the cause
Goosebumps on the skin, blood is rushing
Through the majestic body of the warrior
Cheeks are red, strength came back,
That is how a sting from love is meant
The Power of Nature
Dead you say,
But if I were dead,
How could I support life?
Look what is born out of me.
Or do you think when my body goes
I just decompose and become food to
The fungi in the Earth?
The wisdom of the Sun is in my roots
I am not alone, my roots are intermingled with
My family, everyone who is around me
My body dropped, but I am alive
A new body is born out of me.
A green little seedling will be the new tree.
Out of a spiral the green leaves will open up,
Supported by the wisdom transcended from my roots
I will be reborn as an evolution of who I was before.
But if I were dead,
How could I support life?
Look what is born out of me.
Or do you think when my body goes
I just decompose and become food to
The fungi in the Earth?
The wisdom of the Sun is in my roots
I am not alone, my roots are intermingled with
My family, everyone who is around me
My body dropped, but I am alive
A new body is born out of me.
A green little seedling will be the new tree.
Out of a spiral the green leaves will open up,
Supported by the wisdom transcended from my roots
I will be reborn as an evolution of who I was before.
Ukraine
My sunshine, sonichko, a warm smile, kind eyes,
A hug so tender, I feel it for the rest of my life.
An apple tree smiling at me
When I look out of the window
From my grandpa’s library.
My aunt takes my hand, she always cares for me
Sun rays in my eyes as I speed through
A dirt road on my bike
Children laughing, fruit trees dancing,
I can smell the air to this day
My child purity is always connected to this place.
When I say “Ukraine”, warmth builds up inside me.
My grandpa’s love, my aunt’s embrace
Is what comes up.
My grandpa passed, a war put a crack
Into my connection with my aunt.
I feel her so close to my heart,
Yet unnatural forces are keeping her apart.
Ukraine, I miss you, but I cannot go back.
As the wall fell, I got assigned the red.
A hug so tender, I feel it for the rest of my life.
An apple tree smiling at me
When I look out of the window
From my grandpa’s library.
My aunt takes my hand, she always cares for me
Sun rays in my eyes as I speed through
A dirt road on my bike
Children laughing, fruit trees dancing,
I can smell the air to this day
My child purity is always connected to this place.
When I say “Ukraine”, warmth builds up inside me.
My grandpa’s love, my aunt’s embrace
Is what comes up.
My grandpa passed, a war put a crack
Into my connection with my aunt.
I feel her so close to my heart,
Yet unnatural forces are keeping her apart.
Ukraine, I miss you, but I cannot go back.
As the wall fell, I got assigned the red.
Who is the "I"?
Cloud, a thunder cloud consuming my head,
Yet thunder calls on the light and
Releases into peace of the quiet night.
But where is the peace in my head,
The horizon is looking bright,
Yet my body is shaking,
Lightening is coming out of my eyes.
Must I destroy what I love?
Who is “I” that has questions in disguise?
Maybe “I” should be destroyed
To let me be free and let the thunder pass.
Why do I cling on so tightly
To the “I” who thrives to destruct me?
I am a moment away from the sun shining brightly,
But I can’t let go of the thunder
Building up inside me.
Is this the time for courageous jumping?
Jumping into the vastness of my pure being
And letting go of the “I” that does not belong to me?
Yet thunder calls on the light and
Releases into peace of the quiet night.
But where is the peace in my head,
The horizon is looking bright,
Yet my body is shaking,
Lightening is coming out of my eyes.
Must I destroy what I love?
Who is “I” that has questions in disguise?
Maybe “I” should be destroyed
To let me be free and let the thunder pass.
Why do I cling on so tightly
To the “I” who thrives to destruct me?
I am a moment away from the sun shining brightly,
But I can’t let go of the thunder
Building up inside me.
Is this the time for courageous jumping?
Jumping into the vastness of my pure being
And letting go of the “I” that does not belong to me?
Compositions
Life After Death
(translated from Russian)
(translated from Russian)
Indigenous Americans treated roots of plants as holy beings. They recognized that the plant gave itself for the well being of human beings. All the wisdom of this plant stayed in the root, therefore even a dried root from the underworld consciously makes decisions about who and how to support.
But of course a root and the living plant it is only a material form, which helps us material form people understand connection between humans and plants. The wisdom and the strength of the plant itself is not found in its body, but its body is within the existence of this plant’s spirit.
Already for many years I carry with me either a suitcase, or a bag, or a backpack with herbs, roots, and minerals. And in the moment when I need support I get a sign from exactly the plant or mineral which wants to give me that support. Sometimes I meet them when they are still living and feeding off the sun and the earth, or they come to me as a gift from another person’s hands.
Valerian root came to me when I was still in Mexico, a bit less than two years ago. The root was picked from the earth, carefully dried and was given away for the benefit of humanity. It was a powerful root, in all its beauty, not grinded into dust. Till this day she is my trusted companion.
Difficult days came, would be nice for all of us to relax a bit. I walk by the bag with herbs and smell a strong scent of Valeriana. Valeriana in general has a very strong aroma, so I did not think much of it. The next day I walk by the bag with herbs, and once again Valeriana is giving a sign. This is when I realized that the plant is communicating with me. It is nice for all of us to relax a bit. I took out the Valerian root, put it in room temperature water and let it stand for the night. In the morning our whole family drank the Valerian’s elixir. And so for a couple of days we were making the infusion and drinking it.
A couple of weeks have passed. My middle son started to have a heavy cough, and later my oldest son joined the cough choir of the middle one. I walk by the bag with herbs, once again I smell Valeriana. But I thought nothing of it, my thoughts were somewhere else. My oldest son begged to play the herbal board game. He said to me: “Mom, let’s play the Herbal game and we will find out which herbs can help us with the cold and we will make a medicinal tea from them to support us.” “Alright, let’s play. You’ve been asking me for a while and I promised you that we would,” I answered.
In the end the game did not turn out, either the baby was destructing us, or the middle son was roaming around not understanding what to do, my husband was busy with other deeds. But at least we started. I was amazed by the wisdom of my oldest son. As a result, I decided, as advised by my oldest son, to look at the cards from the game and put together a list of herbs that would help with cough and runny nose.
“So, what can help from cough from the herbs that I currently have,” - I was thinking. “Opa, Valeriana! Valeriana! She was communicating with me in order to help support my sons! What magic of nature, unbelievable!”
I took out my Valerian root, I held this magnificent sacred root, the strongest part I could find. Put it in a glass and filled with room temperature water.
In the morning children drank the elixir and in the evening as well. In two days the cough was gone. Now this is the power of nature, a magnificent sacred root.
So if the plants have such power from the underworld, then what happens to the human being after a person drop’s his body? Especially after realizing that we are not in the body, but the body is in us.
Looney Tunes
The day has come, I woke up in a crazy house...No wonder she keeps us under the dome. Self sustaining microclimate, plant and animal therapy, water and mineral therapy, belief therapy. Thankfully it worked for me, cannot bare these looney tunes anymore. Even most of the doctors decided to drop this experiment, since many patients have lost their marbles and screws. Thinking they can threaten the universe and her order, what a mad house. Yes, this experiment is about to get canceled, and all the looneys will be transferred. Well, they had a chance, she has been so patient and kind to us all. They had everything, all of the universal beauty for them, so they can remember. But they are too far gone, they cannot recognize beauty, so they started to destroy her beauty, get in the way of those who are living in joy in this creation, and on top of that impose their ugly mimics upon everyone in the dome. And then there are a bunch of loose screws whose mere existence is based upon obey and follow. These trolls spread the mimic like parasites throughout the dome, and we all have to suffer. Please, transfer this madhouse, we do not want to be in the same space with them. We see your beauty, your kindness helped us remember. Sorry for our naivety in curiosity, thank you for being with us.
